Life, Uncategorized


The sky is saffron blue
Night is sneaking in

The air is bringing familiar crispness
It’s crispness is making me to light up my firepit

Somebody’s grill is on fire
The aromas are tingling

There is fading music in the background somewhere
The soft laughter of people sharing and clicking their wine glasses

The stars are getting brighter
Moon is sitting on top of the big tree

I am sitting on my chair with warm cup of tea
Absorbing every bit of it and loosing myself in the moment

Life, Uncategorized

Sharing the burnt toast

When I was small, I was always curious about my mother’s plate. It seemed that she had the best in her plate. I would be fed and no more hungry but there was always a desire to have that one bite from my mother’s plate and have that same satisfaction as I see on my mother’s face when she eats her food.

She would often eat the last…making sure that all of us were well fed..warm and fresh food…
The family was huge, including 4 growing children with massive appetite, my dad, my grandparents who were quite demanding when it came to food, and 1or 2 uninvited guests most of the time. I don’t know how she did it and still does.

Her meal, some of the time was leftovers from the fresh meal and last meal…and if the chapati dough was over…she would eat her food with either dried toast or burnt toast..which actually got burnt because she got too tired to cook it properly for herself…and that burnt toast tempted me and I will always go to her for that one bite… Though she knew she might not make more for herself..she never refused me..and would give me one bite of that burnt toast to make me happy..that was my mom’s love.

No my mother is not poor…just too tired to take care of herself.

Now I am a mother of 2 kids. They adore me and love me. I am usually the last one to sit down for my meal and to be honest, I like it . I like to eat in the end..making sure that my family is well fed.
I clean up my kitchen, get the food on my plate and sit down to eat in peace. I still feed my girls sometimes together from the same plate :).. I like it..

My little one is done and not hungry any more. When I sit down for my dinner, she will surely come by to check my plate and have the bite of my burnt toast.

I see a trend here in sharing the burnt toast.

Life, Uncategorized

More to my Soul

There is more to my soul,

Sometimes in my sleep, I wander in my dreams
It is a maze sometimes, which I can’t get out of
It is an old building sometimes, which has me trapped with no door to be found
And it is me sometimes, who just refuses to be me

I like talking about me
I like listening about you
When it finishes,
My soul still is perked up for more
But there is no more here in the real world

The soul is a guest in this world
It stays for…wanting more and more
This meager world cannot offer more than you and I
The soul wants to feel beyond you and I
The soul wants to create beyond you and I

It is a soul after all
It has more to it beyond you and I
There is more to my soul deeper than you and I
There is more to my soul than just being there.

Life, Uncategorized

Flying in my Dreams

There was this 6 to 7 feet tall “Mayurpankhi tree” (a type of cypress tree) in my maternal grandmother’s house. It always fascinated me….I still don’t know why but it was charismatic and a handsome tree…a home to garden chameleons and lot of small birds. Probably, that was fascinating to discover new beings under it and in it. It must have been 3 feet in diameter and I remember that all of us, when little…will go around and around it to play tag. That was the tree we would decorate as Christmas tree, around Christmas, with colorful strings and balloons. It gave us immense pleasure.

Since so many years, I dream of a same dream around it…… I do not understand the meaning of it… It’s correlation to anything in my adult life..but there has to be something..some connection…some relevance to my dream..

I often see myself trying to fly around that tree. I vision that I am sitting in meditating pose and chanting OM…..and suddenly, my body starts lifting from the ground and is going round and round that tree….the flight is so calming…like floating on the clouds… I feel that under my arms. Slowly, I start doing variations in my flying techniques…going high…going low…going side ways….just flowing with the wind…floating light in the meditative state…. I want to be like that and then the morning comes knocking at the door and I am on my bed….still feeling the lightness from the flight that I just had in my dreams.

There was a time when this dream was a staple in my sleep… It doesn’t happen that way now…but I still feel urge to fly….high and high…being myself…floating on the clouds.

Life, Uncategorized

At the Mall

It was an early morning appointment for my daughter’s eye exam, at the LensCrafters in the mall today…9:30 am. I reached with my girls at 9:15 am and it was pleasant to see that the mall was still waking up….

We entered from the food court entrance. Knowing me, I chose that entrances for
A. It was closest to the LensCrafters
B. my nose wanted to smell “what’s cooking”?
C. Might find a great cafe latte.

We had 15 more minutes to kill….which actually seemed like an investment at that time, since the city and mall is new to us…we got good time for wandering and orientation. It is a small mall with cross shaped pattern… side ended in food court…second had sears….3rd had Dillard’s and 4th had kohl’s…well to my surprise since I have never seen a kohl’s being a part of a mall…but wonderful concept….more money spent at the mall… I am an avid Kohl’s shopper… Anyways that is not the point that I want to make in this article.

The good part of being at the mall that early was I didn’t have to switch all my eyes and antennas on to track my kids….they were right there in front of me and around me but not lost in the sea of the people….. People…ah! that reminds me…. The people present there at the mall that time were couple of groups of old retired men….few old age couples taking a morning walk in controlled environment….few new moms or mothers with little ones…shopping at the cookie shop…Aunt Annie’s ladies rolling out fresh cinnamon pretzel bites..yumm…and smelled divine.

The people that touched me the most were the old gentlemen sitting in a huge circle…holding a coffee each…right at a spot which was hard to be missed. They were talking and laughing loud….but their eyes were eager to make an eye contact with the strangers to get a smile and a hello for their old souls. My older one was amused as she had never seen so many older men tithe same time. I told her to be polite and thugs to be a role model for her then and there.

A older gentleman turned around and said hello…I stopped and said hello back to him politely and a big smile…..his eyes became warm and face lit up for being noticed….that reminded me of my grandfather, who passed away 6 years ago…. I sometimes feel him around…. The old souls have touched me with their warmth and an eagerness to be noticed and appreciated.

Well it was time for my daughter’s eye exam….the optometrist was very happy go lucky girl..which was a surprise since I gave never met a fun optometrist before :).. Those guys are pretty tight faced and do your business look on them…no offense intended here.

She had a swim class to go to after the exam and we had 50 minutes to “invest” again. W went back to Aunt Annie’s pretzel of my favorite one….requested a fresh baked jalapeƱo pretzel with low salt and minimum some cinnamon bite pretzels too….delish is the word :)))… Yum yum yum…all the way…kids were getting hungry too….ate the pretzels…went back to the car and drove for second duty as a mother and chauffeur…swim lessons….and the mall was left behind to be visited again..

I would actually go back to the mall early in the morning where there are still old men and older couples doing their morning walk and busy in their morning gossip and hustle bustle…

I will be at the mall again for sure !

Life, Uncategorized

To forgive and to forget

Why it is easier to forgive than forget…
You forgive…move on,..journey becomes less burdensome..
But when the hurt returns…it still make ripples…

Why few names …few faces still bother after a long time…
Should I forget since the apology has happened…but how…
The marks on my soul are invisible and stronger than on surface…
I laugh, I dance, I pretend to be me….
But I know…. It’s not me anymore…
Forgiven matters are not the closed chapters most of the time…

Life, Uncategorized

Feel Numb

Feel numb sometimes
To reciprocate to feelings and emotions gets demanding sometimes
Heart wants to but something stops me
I wanted it always…that was me…emotional..full of sweet ones…
Life happened and took the beauty away…
I need time to rediscover myself
I need time to shell all of my baggage first before I go for a refill…
I am annoyed when I get to see any emotional side now…
I don’t know why….
I am numb now…I am empty now….
Not emotionally dependent anymore..
Don know if it is good or bad…
But I feel distant now…